2.12.2010

Finding Faith

I've never been much of what you would call a "believer."

I tend to coast on over to the rational side of things.  Neither of my parents were that religious, we didn't go to church, but they were married in a Lutheran one.  They didn't expect me to conform to a specific religion, they allowed me to explore my own interests.

I remember going to a few churches in my life time, different Christian denominations, mainly with friends.    And when I was in school I went through a Wiccan/Pagan stage.  Something about the connection between us and the Earth.  Something about it being tangible.  You give back what you take, do unto others what you wish them to do onto you.  Not so different than most other religions, really.

I've always believed.

Believed in something bigger than us.
Something real.
Faith.

And I feel it stronger and stronger as I get older, especially since having a child of my own.
I especially feel the need to connect with my faith.

I read NieNie, CJane and A Love Story.
I'm not Mormon.
And yet...
I am so inspired by them.
By their faith.

I wonder what it's like to be able to fully put your faith in God.
Is it because I am too logical to believe?

I think about their struggles and how small in comparison mine feel to Nie's or Alexa's.  And I think about the way they are so thankful for God for all they were given, despite all that has been taken away. I admire their ability to still put their faith in Him despite all that he has burdened them with.

I am amazed at their ability to be thankful to God for all he has given them.
And I am envious of that faith.
I envy their relationship with God.

Before Goose,
I never cared.
Being Agnostic was fine with me.
And honestly, I don't know that I could pick one religion if I tried.

It seems to me, that all religions have the same basic moral values.
And I hate knowing how corrupt organized religion can be.

Have you ever seen Dogma?
My "idea" is something like that.

But lately, I've been feeling the need for more.
Sure I believe, but does God believe in me?

How can I over come and be thankful for the challenges God has put before me?
What can NieNieCJaneAlexa teach me?
I study their blogs and I want to be more like them.

More devoted to my Husband.
More connected to my Child.
A better woman...
A better person.

No, I don't ever intend to change who I am.
I will forever be the foul-mouthed tom-boy in a dress and heels...
But I think it lacks meaning.

Is it because my life lacks God?
Do I need to go to Church to prove I am faithful?
Do I even have any clue what I'm talking about?

Honestly?

Not really...
I've never read the Bible...
or the Book of Morman...
or the Koran...
or anything on Judaism...
or Budhism...

Maybe that should be my Number 1 resolution (yeah, I know it's February...)
To find my faith....
It must be an educated venture. (Logical, remember?)
Maybe I should attempt to read those religious texts...
Right or wrong, I believe ALL religions have something important to teach.

And I like to think of myself, somewhat, as a student of life.

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Anyone wanna help me on my journey? Email me! I wanna hear from you!!!  Tell me about your beliefs.  I would love to learn more about your faith!!!

2 comments:

Rachel said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Wonderful post.

Will said...

Before reading all of the texts, start with "Misquoting Jesus". http://www.amazon.com/Misquoting-Jesus-Story-Behind-Changed/dp/0060738170

That will give you context if you continue on your journey.

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