8.13.2010

Weighing In

It’s easy to talk about confidence and positive body image when you know you look good. But what if thats no longer the case?

The last few months have been good to me. I am feeling better than ever. Happier than I’ve been in ages. Comfortable. Healthy. And with that comes the weight. For me, at least since having Goose, Happy = Fat.  Okay, not fat. I don’t want to use the “F” word. But really, I have spent the majority of my life as a size 2 or 0 (yes, 0 is a size). It never took any effort. Getting back to my pre-baby weight wasn’t a problem. I was back into my skinnies in a couple months. Sure things didn’t look the same, hips fuller, tummy softer, breast rounder… but I was still tiny. I loved my collar bones.

Since the end of June, however, I have gained about 20 pounds. I carry it well, I think. For the first time ever, I am an hourglass. I have curves and cleavage… and *gasp* cottage cheese thighs. A flabby belly. Honestly, though… I kinda like it. I feel more womanly, more grown up, less worried. But I’m not satisfied or happy about it. I’ve been lazy, eating all wrong, not exercising. Its not good at all. This body I have now is not my normal body.

If I had it my way, I would just get rock hard abs without losing my boobs and butt. Unfortunately, mother nature doesn’t work that way. I’ve been reluctant to work out for that very reason. I like my boobs (a B cup!!!) and my big round butt. I like my silhouette in dresses and skirts, womanly and feminine.

I’ve been wearing mostly skirts and dresses the last few months. Mostly because nothing else fits. Dresses are forgiving. Loose in the hips and now I can finally fill out the tops. No one has even noticed the weight I’ve put on. I’ve been dressing a lot nicer. My jeans and scrubby clothes don’t fit. And now, if I do put on some pants, my legs feel all weird and constricted.

I don’t know that I will be getting in a bikini any time soon. But summer is almost over anyway. I know I need to work out. I know I am not living a health life style. But I like what I see in the mirror. I am a size 8 and have never been happier.

So what to do?
Lazy and happy and curvaceous?
Active and happy and slender?
Healthy is the goal.



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