If you are a regular reader, you know I have been trying to find my faith, struggling with the meaning of it all. Looking for answers. I don't know what I was expecting to find, but I wasn't finding it. At least, I didn't think I was.
This might sound weird, but I feel lucky that this fire happened to us. It could happen any time, to anyone and it happened to us Monday morning. And I am so thankful it wasn't someone else. I guess, if your house is going to go up in flames, it really couldn't have happened at a better time. Yes, there were valubles lost, but nothing that can't be replaced. I'm sad about the computers and the photos, but I'm thankful I blog. Because I have so many pics saved on my blog and on Photobucket.
It could happen to anyone and it didn't, it happened to us. We weren't there. Our important possessions were out of the house. We made it out with a lot more than just the clothes on our backs. And if the worst of the situation is that we lost everything in the kitchen and some electronics, I say that's pretty good.
We also have such an amazing support system around us. Steve's parents, my parents, friends have all stepped up to give us a hand in any way possible. We have a roof over our heads.
I keep thinking about the events leading up to us moving out and I know things were meant to be.
We weren't supposed to be there.
In the begining of April I first saw our new house. I took a picture on my cell phone, told Steve I wanted to move and called the landlord the next day. A few days later, we were looking at the place and putting down a deposit. When we signed the lease, the landlord told us she had recieved so many calls on the property. They had even shown it to one other family who desperately wanted it, but we got there first. And it was ours.
We got the keys on May 15th and were supposed to be out of our old place on the 31st. We spent nearly all of last weekend packing and moving, Goose stayed with Grandma. Saturday night was the first time we had slept at the new house. Sunday, Hubs and I debated whether or not we should sleep at the old house or new house. Our beds were in the old house, but most of our stuff was in the new house.
We decided to sleep on couches.
We stopped at the old house Sunday night for a few minutes. Grabbed Goose's books, bathroom stuff for us, phone chargers. Just the necessary stuff for the next day. Both Steve and I made a sweep of the house and made sure everthing was turned off and unplugged. Then, we left. For the last time. We were there not even 15 minutes.
And now, it all seems so clear. What I was doing wrong, in my life and my expectations. I know that God was talking to me and I just didn't know what to listen for. Except, that it's very easy to see now that I was listening and taking his direction.
We weren't supposed to be there.
And because I followed my gut.
Because I wanted the new house.
We weren't there.
We also get a chance to start over. Start fresh. Re-evaluate, re-assess, and re-prioritize. Decisions we didn't want to make were made for us in that instant and we are forced to start over. I feel kind of like the Phoenix (Marvel geek reference) rising from the flames. Not many people get to start over like this. It's a little liberating, I must say. The clutter of our former selves is gone, with room to start fresh.
I no longer question the road I need to take.
I see it now.
It seems so simple, so easy.
But I wasn't ready before.
And now, I am.