Ten Things About Parenting

Today, I am gonna share my top ten things

I wish someone would have told me about parenting and/or

ten things I would tell someone about to have a kid.

1. Baby stuff is for mom.  Babies don't care if the swing you bought is the coolest one on the market.  They don't care if their clothes are in style.  I'll be honest, I'm just like any other mother, any other woman... I love to shop. So, shopping for my girl is no different. I have to admit, I went overboard with my "need" list for my baby shower and I spent more money than I should have on clothes.  Babies grow SO fast! Invest in quality items but know that sometimes, used is better. Seriously, babies are so cute on their own, they don't need the cutest clothes/stroller/diaper bag. So just know that the stuff is really all for YOU and not for baby.

2. Listen (and trust) your parents. They already did it once (at least) and you survived, right? I know some people have crazy parents, but thats a different issue.  Yes, your parents will do things different than you.  And yes, you may need to inform them of the "new" medical issues that exists that didnt X years ago.  But different isn't worse.  Sure they might let your kid eat ice cream and stay up late, but that never killed anyone.  I never understood my parents until I became one, and it is such a gift.

3. Everything changes.  This is the most cliche line in parenting, but it is also true.  Everything, I mean EVERYTHING will change the moment your baby is born.  The way you see the world is completely different.  The relationship between you and your spouse... your parents... yourself.  And it can be really bad if you let it.  The most important part is to not lose what you had before parenthood.  You need to be true to yourself and know that the baby is becoming part of your life and should be integrated into it.  Be open to the changes but dont forget about the foundation. Build on it.

4. You will feel guilty. No matter what. Its impossible to avoid.  You will feel guilty. About something, maybe about everything.  You work so you feel guilty for being away.  You stay home and you feel guilty for not contributing financially.  Are you feeding your baby right? Well, my baby said her first word at four months, what about yours?  Don't feel guilty? Then you will feel guilty for not feeling guilty.  Truth is, in the end, it doesn't matter when or what or how.  Love your child. Period. Do whats best for them.  Try your hardest.  If you are doing those things, you are doing it right. Even if someone tells you different. 

5. Its okay to cry.  This goes for both you and baby.  Its okay to let them cry and its okay for you to cry about it.  I can't tell you how many times, when we were trying to train Goose to sleep through the night, that I would put her in her crib bawling and I would leave the house, sit on the porch and cry.  Sometimes parenting is alot to handle.  We all have are breaking points.  Its okay to put a fussy baby in their crib to cry it out.  The crib is a safe place.  Take a moment to yourself if you need it.  You will both survive!

6. Sleep when the baby sleeps.  Another cliche parenting rule. But again, so true! And this is also one of the hardest things to do.  But, especially when baby is brand new, sleep whenever you can.  Let the dishes pile up and the laundry sit in the dryer.  When baby is asleep, get yourself a snack and then sleep to.  You will be thankful for that sleep when you are up at 3am feeding.

7. Beware of other mothers.  Sure, its nice to have another mother to commiserate with, but beware of women out to sabotage you.  Ya know, the perfect mother. Both her and her kids impeccably dressed. "My kid did _____. She/he is so smart/gifted/bright." She is the one-upper. If your kids did something, hers did it better.  Most likely, she is talking out of her ass.  She is probably just as stressed out as you are. Also, never never never allow yourself to be compared to celebrity moms.  They have trainers, stylists, nanny's, etc.  Also, spanx.

8. It only gets harder. Sure things get easier as your child grows and becomes more self sufficient, but it also gets harder.  Well, maybe it doesn't get harder, but it definitely doesn't get easier.  The issues change, the conflict... but there are always gonna be some sort of challenge to deal with.

9. This too shall pass.  Lather, rinse, repeat. Often.

10. It's totally worth it.  Your child will stress you out beyond belief.  But every night, after you put them to bed, you will sit on the couch and reminisce about the day.  You will look at your husband (or significant other, or to yourself) and say how much you love her.  How amazing she is and how lucky you are.  And you won't even remember how difficult the day was.  All you will remember is how sweet she was when you read her a bedtime story, and she told you she loves you and gives you a kiss. :) Its what I live for.

Now hop on over to Julia's blog and see what other moms have to say!

The Balancing Act

As my daughter gets older I find my self feeling more and more hypocritical.  

A recent post on Julia's blog got me to thinking...

On a daily basis my daughter tells me how much she wants to be like me.
But WHO am I and is THAT who I want HER to be?

I am insecure.

I don't deal well with stress.

I am stubborn.

Foul mouthed.

Unorganized.

I'm vain.

Just to list a few.

And what about Vintage KelsyC?  I was not what a parent would consider a "good" girl.
I got into trouble.
I did things before I was legally able to do them.
I *gasp* had sex with my teenage boyfriend (who is now my husband.)

I wasn't a "bad" kid by any means.
I played sports. Choir. Drama. Japanese club.
Got decent grades.
I was vice president of the Cultural Awareness Committee.
I took running start (college classes while in high school)
And I was president of the college Forensic Club.

Now I have a good job.

A family.

A happy life.

So I find myself at odds as to what to teach my daughter.
I certainly don't want her to pick up my insecurities and body issues.
But I want her to have my love of art and creativity. (My sense of style... access to my closet...)
She has my fearless spirit.
Well, I HAD a fearless spirit when I was younger, and life has made me jaded.

Hubs thinks she won't date 'till she's 30.
But we met when we were 15 and have been together ever since.
Do we deprive her of that chance at puppy love?
Protect her from a broken heart?

I suppose as a parent, one can only hope that they raise their child to make the right decisions.
But also, as a parent, I think you have to give your child the opportunity to fail as well.
In our failures, we learn how to be strong.

And then the issue of "sexiness."
It's impossible to escape and therefore, necessary to address.
I, a grown woman, want to BE sexy.
I want to make my husband look at me that way.
I like the extra "perks" that come with outer beauty.
But that's not how I want my daughter judged,
That's not how I want her to learn her value herself.

So what do you do?
Lying is not an option.  Nor is "sugar coating" the truth.
But, I think, at this stage, honesty is too much to comprehend.
And yet even at 3 years and 11 months.s (NO! My baby is NOT 4... yet) I am amazed at the things she picks up on.

The way she shakes her butt when she dances.
Or the way she wants to wear skirts to "be pretty."
She likes to put on make up with me.
And I wear make up... every day.
However, she doesn't care if her clothes match. Or if her hair is brushed.
She snacks all day and still eats dinner.
She prefers veggies to candy.

But...

Thats all well and good, for now.
I don't know what to do as she gets older.
Yes, I know I will always be her parent... but there will be a time when we become more equals.
When you realize your parents are fallible human beings, just like you.
You realize they don't have the answers.
You realize they are making it up as they go along.
And then you become a parent and it REALLY hits you over the head.

And personally, I'm pretty laid back and liberal. 

Oooo... its like a dirty word... liberal.

Anyway, nudity doesn't bother me.
I walk around the house in my skivvs all the time.
But it bugs me when Goose doesn't have clothes on.
It shouldn't. It's hypocritical. But it still bothers me!
I think how your ACT is more important than how you LOOK.
I still don't want my daughter growing up looking "slutty."
I don't want her to think that her only sense of worth comes from her looks.

I feel, at the same time, that I would be doing her a disservice by not at least informing her of, I don't know how to put it... properly use her physical appearance to her advantage.
Let's face it.
People like pretty packaging.
And men use their physicality to their advantage all the time...

I realize this is many years off, but the foundation is being laid now.
She is learning NOW.
How to love herself...
How to let herself be loved...
How to love others...
Ya know, all that important stuff down the line.

I look up to my Mom so much.
And I am SO grateful that she is able to look after Goose 3 days a week.
I love that MY sisters are so close to Goose, they might as well be HER sisters.
I'm glad my mom is able to have such an active role in raising my daughter.
I know I sure couldn't do it alone, okay there is Hubs, but still, definitely NOT without her!

And, while there were many bumps along the road to my adult-hood...

I don't think I turned out all that bad.

So, maybe, just maybe, I'm getting things right after all!

Validation (and kinda bragging, I guess)

"Wheedle on the Needle"
By Stephen Cosgrove
Illustrated by Robin James

As a mom, and a working one at that, I suffer from this condition called "Mother's Guilt."

I'm sure you mom's out there are well familiar with what I am talking about. The feeling of never being there enough for your child, constant questioning... Do you let your kid watch TV? Does your family eat organic? Caught up on doctor's appointments? And of course, we all know that 3 year olds aren't all that great with showing their appreciation. Being a mother is constant hard work. And if you get several moms in the same room, they will all tell you that their way is the right way but that they feel just as guilty as every other mom out there.

I've finally come to grips with the fact that there is no such this as "The Perfect Mother" and I am certainly not it. As a person, I come with a whole basket full of faults. I'd be naive to think I could be perfect at anything... Well, except for being just lil ole me. And it took me quite a long time to realize that.

I know my house isn't clean enough. There is constantly laundry piled on the couch and craft supplies on the floor. My carpet is stained, Goose's room looks like a tornado hit it. I'm sure I let her watch too much TV and eat too much junk food. And she still isn't completely potty trained (almost, but not quite...)

But, well... meh.

Goose is a well adjusted child. She is happy.

I get more hugs and kisses than I can count. The kid prefers carrots to chocolate, always eats her veggies and drinks all her milk. And she is smarter than any 3 year old should be. She knows all her letters, can type her name on the computer, as well as my name (both Kelsy and Mommy) and Hubs. She is constantly asking what words are when she sees letters she recognizes and can even do some basic math. She knows that 1+1+1+1=4 and that 3+2=5. She has even begun to "write" stories. Goose has a love of art and music that I could have only wished for!

Hubs and I are so proud of her. We both hope to have her reading before she starts Kindergarten. Ever since she was born, we have read to her every night. Two books, one from Mommy and one from Daddy. I was speaking to a friend recently and talking about Hub and my goals for Goose and I mentioned that she is read to every night. My friend was surprised! I read to my child every night?! How do I find the time? She asked. She complained that she tried to read to her kiddos every day but couldn't find the time.

But how hard is it to carve out an extra 10 minutes to benefit your child? I don't even notice anymore, its just part of the bedtime routine. And I can't imagine losing that 10 minutes! I crawl into her bed and snuggle up under the covers and we read. And we talk about our day and if we have any prayers to say. We talk about what we would like to dream about and what we will be doing the next day. Then Daddy reads, then kisses and hugs. Then Goose will stay up for a while longer "reading" to herself.

Magic.

At least until she comes out of her room for the umpteeth time for kisses/hugs/water/potty, etc.

So I guess, wrapping this up (I always have a hard time concluding my blog posts), it's nice to feel a little bit of validation and know that I'm not that bad of a mother! ;-P

"There's a Wheedle on the Needle
I know just what you're thinking.
But if you look up late at night,
You'll see his red nose blinking."