Insta-weekend

Me and my super cute grandma who was telling me all about her favorite Japanese boy band. 

My dad and Goose. She lovingly calls him "Goo-Goo."

My new coffee maker. The mug I got on our recent trip to Disneyland! 

We went to a wedding out of town this weekend and had to take my sisters along for the ride. Despite being cramped in my tiny car, there was only minimal bickering!

Goose and Emmy at the top of the pass. Look! Snow!

My three little ladies on the farm.

My brother-in-law, mother-in-law and Hubs.

My husband makes me laugh. And make weird faces.  See my necklace? Check out Loose Ends to find out how to make it!

Me, at the wedding, with the light just right.

And that about sums up my weekend!

Moving On

Just today, as I was talking to Goose, she told me that every night she has nightmares about fires.  She has said things in the past, but I guess I never really put it together.  I still have nightmares about the fire.  It's been almost two years (May 24) and it suddenly hit me that we aren't even close to being "over it."

I know I said I was grateful.  After the fire I felt so profound and overwhelmed at the outcome of the events but the reality is that it completely crushed my family.  I feel like only very recently we are finally coming out of the fog (or smoke, if you will.)

While I was thankful and incredibly blessed to have come through things as we did, I was still completely lost.  We were all safe even though all our stuff was lost.  But it was more than our "stuff" that was lost.  I lost a sense of security, a sense of permanence.   Apparently, so did Goose.  Sure I was grateful, but then what?  There was and is so much rebuilding to do and I finally feel ready. 

The past two years have felt like a blur.  I have been living.  I have been getting by.  I have been existing.  But never moving forward.  And I don't know what it is but I finally feel ready to let go.  To let go of all of the things I lost.  The things we did manage to box up and move have just sat in boxes for the last 21 months.  Our house felt nothing like a home.  While I had things to hang on the wall, they sat covered in dust in the garage.  Our windows sat without curtains.  In the back of my head I thought, "Why bother? It will all burn to the ground?"

In the last few weeks though, both my husband and I have felt the change.  I can't put my finger on what it is exactly, but we are finally ready to let go and move on.  I bought a new lamp and some curtains.  The kitchen looks welcoming.  The living room looks more cozy everyday.  I finally feel like this is a place I can stay...

And yet, I forgot to think of how any of this has effected my daughter.  She was only 4 when the fire happened and I took for granted the fear in her heart.  I pushed her fears out of my mind, as there was no room for anyone's fears but my own.  However today she told me that every night... Every night she has bad dreams about the bad people burning our house down with a match.  It breaks my heart to think that while I was working so hard to deny my fears, here she was, living hers.  I wasn't ready to accept that the trauma from the fire was still impacting me today, how could I possibly see that it could mean to anyone else.  But...

I am finally ready to deal with it.  To move on.  To accept that it happened and we are coming out better for it.  I can imagine what you are all thinking, "How bad could it be?"  Not that bad, right?  I mean, we survived, as did most of our stuff. 

I wrote the top half of this post over a year ago.  Re-reading it today, I'm stunned.  So much has changed in the past year and yet still, not much progress has been made.  Most days, I feel like I am treading water.  But I suppose I am moving forward, ever so slowly, at a snails pace.

I have a new job. And its sort of my dream job in fact.  I am working at Shipwreck Beads and at the beginning of April, I moved from the shipping department to a brand new position that was created for me.  Thats right, I am now the Social Media Coordinator. I am writing our blog, Loose Ends.  I also manage our Facebook and Pinterest and other online accounts.  Every single day I am stunned that I am actually getting paid to do this.  I get to bead and put together tutorials.  Its almost unreal.

Blogging for the store makes me realize how much I miss blogging for myself.  I miss writing and sharing. Being introspective and sharing parts of myself I have completely neglected.  So here I am, moving forward. Progress will be made. I'm committed to being a better person. A better mother. A better blogger.  Pretty much just a better me.  It feels good to be back. Although, I suppose I never really left.

The Peace Lily: A Story About Angels

Sixteen years ago, my mother's mother (my grandma) passed away from melanoma.  She was 56 years old.  At her funeral, a good friend of my mom's had given her this Peace Lily.  When it was first given to her, it had several blooms on it.  That was in 1995. 

My mother has never had the greenest thumb, in fact, she has killed all her other house plants through the years.  This was a tough little plant though, and it managed to survive.  However, it didn't bloom regularly.  The next time it bloomed was in 2003.  My mom counted 6 blooms.  One for each member of the family, my mom, my step-dad, myself, my little brother, step-brother and my sister Emily.  The next day, she looked at it in disappointment as she noticed there were 7 blooms, not 6 like she thought.  She assumed that she had simply miscounted the previous day.  A few days later, in some what of a panic, she discovered she was pregnant with my sister, Harley.  Emily, not even two, was planned and Harley was not.  At her age, she didn't plan on having any more kids but Harley was on her way.  A wonderful and unexpected addition to the family.

The plant didn't flower again for many years.  Not until 2006.  In fact, it bloomed, just one singular flower, on March 22, 2006.  The day I went into labor with my daughter, my mother's first grandchild. 

Yesterday tragedy hit my family.  The family dog, Hannah, who had been with us for 10 years, had to be put down.  She had a tumor on her hip and it had broken open leaving a large open wound.  There was nothing they could do for her.  My step-father was out of town so my mother undertook not only the overwhelming task of taking care of Hannah by herself but having to console her two little girls. 

Harley was especially shaken up.  Hannah was her best friend.  From the time Harley could move, her and that dog were basically attached.  First, it was Harley following Hannah and as Harley grew, Hannah began to follow her everywhere.  She protected her.  She protected the whole family, barking like crazy when cars drove by my mother's rural home, chasing away the neighbor dogs and whatever wild animals wandered onto the property. 

It was a sad day for everyone.  Goose and I went to spent time with my mom and sisters, to help comfort them.  We talked about Hannah (who happened to be my dog, Molly's mother) and how she wouldn't hurt anymore and that her and Molly would be in Heaven together.  We all went to the craft store and bought supplies to make a memorial stone for Hannah's grave.  Then we went back home and sadness lingered in the air all around us.

Then I saw it. 

 The Peace Lily and a single, solitary bloom. 

Back when my mother first discovered she was pregnant with Harley, I mused that the blooms were a sign from my grandma that she was still with us and watching over her.  My mom, who is not religious and less spiritual than I, shrugged it off.  But when the bloom appeared on the day I went into labor, despite all her skepticism, she thought there might be something special about that plant.  And if there was any doubt in her mind, it was all erased when we say the bloom yesterday.

As soon as I saw it, I burst into tears.  I ran to my mother's side and we embraced, crying.  It seems to me, that in every moment when a woman might need her mother's comfort, an unexpected pregnancy, the birth of the first grandchild, a sad passing of a dear friend... my grandma was there.  My mother's guardian angel. 

I'm sure there is a logical, scientific explanation for why it blooms so sporadically. Lack of sunlight. Improper watering. My mom's brown thumb.  But in my heart, deep in my soul, I know that it's my grandma giving my mom a sign that she is still there. 

I believe that we all have angels looking over us.  Sometimes they give us tangible signs of their presence, you just need to know where to look.  And hopefully, you're mind is open enough to see it. 

Rest In Peace

Hannah

2001-2011

About Us - Autumn Edition

We know how to have fun.

We like to make jokes.

About chocolate cake.

Sometimes, we act like monkeys!

But we always love each other!

Fall is the perfect time of year to get outside and explore your community.

We are blessed to have dozens of parks in our small town.

Every year, we make a point to explore our enviornment and learn about nature.

I like to hunt for mushrooms.

I like to smell the damp air.

I like to feel the mud squish under my boots.

I love to hear Goose laugh as she jumps in puddles.

I love the Pacific Northwest and I love FALL!

Do you have any special fall activities for your family?



Craft Spotlight: Make Jewellery

Make Jewellery 

My mother-in-law is a collector of hobbies.

She has tried almost every kind of craft under the sun.

And she loves to read.

And shop.

So, add those things together, and you get a one woman craft library.

All at my unlimited disposal.

On a recent "library trip" I picked up this great book (pictured above) published by the makers of Make Jewellery Magazine.  Out of all of the beading mags, I think Make Jewellery is one of my favorites.  It has big pictures, amazing styling and trendy designs.  Unfortunately, the don't sell it here.  Its published in Europe.  My in-laws take a yearly trip to the Czech Republic for the store and she gets them there.

So this recent book is amazing.  I have already tackeled several projects and used several others for inspiration.  My favorite project was this necklace:

I like the big beads, mixed textures and playful bright colors.

Here is mine.

The glass, plastic and metal beads came from Shipwreck.

The chain is from JoAnn's.

And the blue crochet bead came from a scarf I bought from Old Navy.  I loved the color blue, but it had these funky blue balls as "fringe". Weird. So I cut them off and into the stash they went.

As you can see, I did chain links on my version. 

I also went with a few more beads.

Also, instead of a clasp, I used a piece of lace as a closure. 

I wanted to be able to adjust the length so I could have both a longer necklace and a shorter "choker".

I think it looks great paired with a basic black T and jeans.

I also have on some big silver hoops from F21.

Basic. Classic. With the necklace for that touch of sass.

Also recently created:

And this bracelet with crochet flowers from ComfyCountry on Etsy.

I think this bracelet looks rather cute with my necklace above!

This necklace with gorgeous painted wood beads, also from Shipwreck.

This was made with just beads and ribbon.

Super simple and super cute!

Thanks for looking!